I once knew a girl who was absolutely beautiful. She was actually just plain ol' hot. The face and the body mesmerized me and oneday, I finally got the chance to go out with her. And it was one of the worst dates ever. She was just looks; nothing else. Her giggling became redundant; her sexualizedcomments became monotonous and vain. Anhour dinner felt like an eternity and it was an experience that cost me morethan I wanted to pay. If I had been injunior high, this would have been a night to treasure. But I was in college and was mature enough tobe looking for more than looks.Yes, that was a real date and that is also the perfect wayto sum up Lollipop Chainsaw (LC.)
The game opens up to Juliet Starling, San Romero Highcheerleader and secret zombie hunter. Starling has just turned eighteen and is excited about seeing Nick, herboyfriend (he later becomes a magical talking head.) However, what she doesn'tknow is that her birthday is about to be filled with shambling corpses and aninfestation of unholy dark forces hell-bent on destroying the world.
Beats a cake.
The graphics on LC are good. With nice cell shading, Lollipop gives everything from school lockers tofarm houses to flying ships a standout, pop-out look. Quite noticeable is the amazing amount ofzombie models used in the game. Especially in the first few levels, the types of undead coming at youinclude a healthy amount of student looks, teacher appearances and firefighterand police designs.
Control is handled decently as the gamer can use Juliet'smartial arts skills to somersault, flip, pom-pom punch and kick her way throughenemies. Using the chainsaw is similarto your "heavy" move that's utilized in fighting games. Combos help Juliet gain stars, coins andmedals for more upgrades.
What puts a head-shot to Lollipop Chainsaw is that itfocuses on its only “strength:” the sex appeal of its main character. And then it bombards the gamer with T-n-Ajokes, stereotypes (yes, the only minorities are the Asian Kung Fu master andthe African-American auto tune pimp zombie boss) and more T-n-A (you can even try to look upJuliet’s skirt and she covers her privates with special poses.) Aren’t we a little more evolved than thefirst days of looking for nude codes for Tomb Raider?
LC insults gamers because it knows it has little, deliversless but still asks a gamer to spend hours and money to play it. The fact that it has zombies is prettyinterchangeable if it were aliens, trolls or robots. The undead just happen to be popular and youget that “trendy” feeling through the game. It’s just about getting pubescent players horny. If the price tag was about half of what itwas, perhaps LC would be a “gotta’ have.” The biggest let down is not what Lollipop Chainsaw is but rather what itcould have been.
Rent it or catch it in the reduced bin but don’t take it outto dinner – you’ll be disappointed.
For all of the other LC coverage we can't show you here, head on over to our Zombies and Toys Uncensored page.
Chad Hunter
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